That's intense
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
