Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
