Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
