Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
