I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
then he tried to convert me to islam
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
