In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They took my balls.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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