I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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