i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
