Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
