Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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