I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
