u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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