I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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