i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
