She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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