Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
even my farts smell like vagina
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
