I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
