i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
