I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
