I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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