Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
