Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
