chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
