he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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