i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
