I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
