Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
