So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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