all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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