i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
