My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
