I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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