Already got asked if we're dating
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
