I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
