The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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