Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
