if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
