I like to think it a success when the cops are called
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
