i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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