she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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