I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
