he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
