I puked a lego.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
