Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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