Pants 0. Shit 1.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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