We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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