I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
