these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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