Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
