My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
