lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize