you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
