Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
