i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
