I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
