One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
