That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
