oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize