he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
