he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
