the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Randomize
