dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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