Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
