so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
