I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
