i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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