Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
smell my finger.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
