Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Even my vagina gasped.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
