I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
