Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
