I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize